My personal notes on fixing myself.
Thursday was terrible. I often have to give presentations, and the design proposal I gave did not go well. I had to spend all my energy focusing on not having a panic attack. At least I didn’t throw up and I waited until I got home to cry. Friday I was still on edge, not sure if it was a result of my Thursday night presentation, but I just felt so uneasy around all my coworkers. I don’t want to be like this.
I realize now that I don’t take risks out of fear, and my lack of risk-taking has kept me in the same state of mind and comfort zone. I think I need to create different levels of accomplishments for myself, and take things in baby steps. Last week was horrible but this week I have the choice to make progress. Small progress is better than no progress. The good thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time.
Goal setting and achieving are part of a solution-focused approach. To be solution-focused goals have to be
Wishes and complaints need to be translated into goals. For example, “I wish I could go to parties” translates into “I want to go to parties.” But what does that mean specifically and concretely? “I want to be able to feel comfortable talking with others.” What does “feel comfortable” mean? “I want to feel less anxious and concerned about what others think.” This then breaks down into two goals: (1) I want to reduce my physiological arousal in social settings and (2) I want to think positive thoughts about my self-presentation.
I need to address my physiological, cognitive, emotional, and behavioral problems. I also discovered last night that medication doesn’t change cognitive distortions, which is almost a relief because now that I know I can’t rely on medication to change my perspective, I must go on to the next thing, which brings me closer to recovery.
I will create a weekly timeline of goals, and each preceding week will be based off the previous week. Baby steps.
I’ll come back to this.
Become more assertive.
Problem solving model
Phase 1: Problem recognition
Phase 2: Decision making
Phase 3: Acting
Daily Progress Notes
Today’s Date: 10/20/13
Physical: Practice meditation daily for 15 minutes
Cognitive: At least 3 times at work, 3 times at home, and 3 times at school, recognize distorted thoughts, think about them objectively, and chase them away. This includes “mind-reading”: If I think someone is judging me, I must remind myself that I have no idea what they are thinking and it’s pointless to try.
Emotional: Recognize hostility
Behavioral: Work on hierchy: expose myself to getting used to using people’s names and talking to someone that I’m not comfortable with
Proposal to correct backslides:
Sun: No work or school (yay!) but going out to eat later. I could practice breathing exercises and muscle relaxation, because I know I will be in a loud environment full of people.
I need to organize my thoughts more before continuing to set goals.