whyyouwanna

My personal notes on fixing myself.

Unconditional

Stripping my mind of negative thoughts is harder than I thought. I’m not working at this enough. I need to manage my time better and I need to forgive myself for my mistakes and learn to love myself unconditionally. It’s been almost a month and I feel that I haven’t made much progress, although I have started to recognize my distorted way of thinking. Sometimes I can chase away the negative thoughts, other days it consumes me.

It’s been almost a month and I’m still too afraid to refer to someone by name. Perhaps I’m looking at this in the wrong way. It’s deeper than using someone’s name. I’m full of fear. I need to rid my life of fear.

RECOVERY TIMELINE

Goal: become more assertive.
Time needed? Months…
Deadline: By graduation, I will be significantly more assertive.

Goal: stop or significantly slow down negative self-talk.
Time needed: 1.5 months.
Deadline: Jan 1st, 2014.

Become fearless.
Time needed: 1.5 months.
Deadline: Jan 1st, 2014.

Finish Crucial Conversations book.
Time needed: 2 weeks.
Deadline: December 1st.

Problem solving model

Phase 1: Problem recognition

  1. Identifying, defining, and assessing problem
  2. Committing self to solving problem
  3. Generating list of alternative solutions to problem
  4. Evaluating alternatives
  • concrete and specific
  • observable and measurable
  • achievable
  • risk-level
  • likelihood of success
  • gut-level reaction

Phase 2: Decision making

  1. Deciding on solution
  2. Prioritizing elements of solution
  3. Putting elements in workable, meaningful order
  4. Creating program to implement solution

Phase 3: Acting

  1. Creating a timeline
  2. Implementing solution actions
  3. Observing, recording, measuring, and analyzing action outcomes
  4. Evaluating progress

Daily Progress Notes

Today’s Date: 11/15/13

Week’s Goals:

  1. Chase away at least 3 negative thoughts as they occur, and think about the thought objectively
  2.  Remind myself to breathe and not give a fuck.
  3. Make a list of conversation starters and use them. One a day. Using someone’s name is optional, but at least once this week I want to refer to someone by their name. If they are a friend of mine, it’s no problem. Perhaps I should start seeing people as friends instead of fearing them. I need to let love into my life.

Physical: Practice meditation daily for 15 minutes

Cognitive: At least 3 times at work, 3 times at home, and 3 times at school, recognize distorted thoughts, think about them objectively, and chase them away. This includes “mind-reading”: If I think someone is judging me, I must remind myself that I have no idea what they are thinking and it’s pointless to try.

Emotional: Recognize hostility

Behavioral: Work on hierarchy: expose myself to getting used to using people’s names and talking to someone that I’m not comfortable with by using my list of conversation starters.

Positive changes: I have started to recognize distorted thoughts, and stopping them helps increase my mood.

Backslides: I still fear people…

Proposal to correct backslides: See above paragraphs.

Tomorrow is Saturday. My goal for tomorrow is to go out and do one social thing, and use my conversation starter. Even if it’s just to get coffee. People are not that scary and I am fucking awesome. It’s rude of me to deprive others of talking to me. 🙂

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This entry was posted on November 16, 2013 by .
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